Sweetest Fight Ever: Hot Chocolate vs White Sugar

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Do you remember how I defeated Lyndon of Cornwall SEO last time? Now he attempts a comeback on the link baiting scene. No chance man, White Sugar, formerly known as Mad Tad the SEO Destroyer is still the monarch!

So let’s take a look at his renewed attempt, submitting an old post to StumbleUpon. He proposes 13 link baiting headlines about chocolate to choose from. While some of them are not bad for beginners of SEO 2.0 they are by far not sufficient for SEO 2.0 superheroes. Mad Tad the SEO destroyer will teach you Lyndon! No wall of corn may protect you when White Sugar strikes!

At first I will optimize his proposed 13 headlines, then I will come up with another 13 which will be at least 5 times as good as his original ideas.

Lyndon’s headlines first, the optimized version following:

  • 28 Reasons why chocolate is the new super food | 33 Reasons Why Chocolate is the New Milk
  • Ten tips to using chocolate in your diet | 10 Chocolate Cheats to Outsmart Your Body
  • Ways to impress your guests with after dinner chocolate | Don’t Shoot Me! I Just Made Your Wife Happy With Chocolate
  • Fellas, did you know that woman are more open to suggestion after eating chocolate | In Bed with Madonna, Guy: I Served Chocolate
  • How chocolate can send you to heaven and back | Sweet Enlightenment? New Chocolate Meditation
  • How to lose weight without reducing your chocolate habit | Loose Fat, Eat More Chocolate!
  • Amazing benefits of chocolate revealed | Olympic Athletes Eat More Chocolate Than You!
  • Pound for pound chocolate is healthier than a carrot | 0 Calories Chocolate Invented
  • Chocolate! Why it’s a potent drug. And still legal! | Man Arrested for Sniffing White Chocolate
  • Gain crucial antioxidants, simply by eating chocolate | Gain Strengths Now: Eat Chocolate
  • How eating chocolate can increase your muscle mass | Chocolate Better Than Steroids
  • What chocoholics know about the secret of sexual temptation | I Killed for Chocolate Chocoholic Admits
  • Why some women eat tons of chocolate and yet stay thin | True Stories: This Women Loose weight By Eating Chocolate

Now check out these 13 exclusive killer headlines by Mad Tad the SEO destroyer!

  1. Jane 22: Chocolate Saved my Life!
  2. Paris: The Chocolate Killer Takes Another Victim
  3. New Study: Men Love Women Eating Chocolate
  4. The Chocolate War: Numerous Civilians Affected
  5. Iran to Ban Chocolate in Drug Law
  6. Stop Me Before I Do It: Chocolate Lowers Suicide Rate
  7. Reach Eternal Bliss with Chocolate
  8. Scientists: Chocolate Can End World Hunger
  9. Tesco: 6 Injured in Last Chocolate Bar Fight
  10. Fidel Castro on Death Bed: Chocolate Better Than Communism
  11. Chocolate Gate: “Voters Bribed with Chocolate” FBI Spokesman Says
  12. Tragic Death: Suspect Shot After Reaching for Chocolate Bar
  13. Use Chocolate to Get Rich and Famous, I Did

If you take a second look at my headlines and my optimization of Lyndon’s headlines, I just did, you will notice at least 7 key guidelines to write killer headlines:

  • Touch topics people really care about: Love, death, beauty, health, sex, crime, humanity, money…
  • Be bold, very bold, promise the ultimate, exagerate as much as you can in a headline without sounding ridiculous
  • Do not be afraid to touch negative issues, while still being overall positive
  • Instead of limiting your scope be off topic and connect it to yours
  • Write like a poet working for a tabloid, use graphic language metaphors, oxymorons, hyperboles
  • Include personal aspects, Don’t write “objectively”, be very emotional
  • Doing something illegal sound adventurous, pose as a law breaker

Do aim as high as you can. Do not limit yourself while brainstorming, thinking about how a headline could offend somebody or similar issues. You still can delete it afterwards.

So what Lyndon? Strike back if you can! Come on, don’t be a wimp!

If you read this and think this guy is plain crazy, I want him to marry my daughter, you don’t need that hassle. From now on I will offer “killer headline services” for link baiting. 50$ per headline. It’s sounds cheap, but I only need some minutes to come up with several. You get 5 suggestions for this price.