The Dirty Dozen of Funny SEO Techniques for Lazy Bums
Most traditional SEO techniques are boring. Even worse: SEO is actual work in most cases. I’m lazy like hell. I wish I had a 4 hour work week or something.
Other people automate everything but I suck at programming.
Or they outsource to some overseas sweatshops to poor comment spamming Indians with basic English skills (“thank you for this great post” anybody?) but I’m too ethical to do that.
As the lazy bum I am I had to come up with some special albeit funny SEO techniques that work for me instead. I came up with a few. I’d like to present you the dirty dozen of funny SEO techniques for lazy bums to use at your own peril but make sure for Mad Cuts the serial SEO killer not to notice!
- Seek enlightenment in a Korean monastery or just hire a Korean SEO named Seo to comment on blogs.
- Use a funny name for your blog, something like SEOctopus.
- Wear a funny hat, it does not have to be a sombrero, any hat hat that is huge enough will do.
- Employ comics like Dilbert or Ranked Hard to spread your message.
- Use a ridiculous medium nobody else would ever use in your niche. Ever heard of the Life after death quilts?
- Use only most awesomely amazing creative & funny language in your writings.
- Become one with your audience (by commenting yourself on your blog posing a different persons).
- Insert funny sounding typos into your texts to improve your copy biting skills.
- Use spell checkers in creative ways, that will defiantly improve the quality of your content.
- Ridicule cat bloggers who pose as experts for different species.
- Spice up your blog posts with some political correct sexism bitching around about men and technology.
- Make your readers actually smell what you are talking about you link horny bastards!
- Make up really fake secrets and then disclose them as real ones but don’t tell others about this secret technique.
- Offend your audience and make them fight back in the comments.
- Insert numbers in your post headline but then make sure not to stick with them.
- Lie, lie, lie! While at it never, I repeat NEVER use irony! Especially avoid using UPPERCASE, bold and italics to highlight it!
- Avoid dropping purple cows out of helicopters! Only use black and white cows for that purpose.
- Ridicule yourself! People will love you for that! People feel better with jerks around than they do with kings.
- Start a feud with a well known authority in your niche and never let go! Lyndon, I’ll get you sooner or later!
- When nothing else helps try some good old colon cleansing, you’ll feel like a new born afterwards (or like abducted by aliens).
Do you know other funny SEO techniques? In case you do make sure NOT to add them in the comments, especially you poor Indian guys in the sweat shops. Also don’t read any more posts on this SEO blog and don’t follow me on Twitter.