25 Shocking Remarks about SEO, Social Media, Facebook & Google to Tell Your Family During the Holiday Season

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Watch out: this post has been censored on SEOptimise a year ago because it can allegedly hurt religious feelings! Thus I apologize in advance to gay Muslim anarchists and other religious minorities for not getting mentioned!

 

It’s the holiday season again. Christmas and New Year’s Eve are always a time where we are confronted with real life. We can’t connect to Facebook all the time, tinkering with keywords is frowned upon by partners, children and other relatives. Writing blog posts doesn’t make much sense as nobody reads them anyway, being either on vacation or meeting with other family members.

By now your family may already know that you work on the Internet. They may still consider you a computer specialist and wonder why you can’t fix their Windows 98 machine though – it’s just 10 years old!

What can you talk about with people who more or less appreciate you but still just have only a very broad idea about your daily business?

You have to start the conversation before they begin asking questions about you!

What to tell them? Well, I compiled 25 shocking remarks about SEO, social media, Facebook & Google to tell your family during the holiday season. This way you can tell them about you and what you really do without having to explain yourself. Also, always make them understand how they are affected by what you do and by the Internet.

You have to really surprise them or even shock them before they start nagging and regurgitating old clichés that blogging is not a real job, social media is a waste of time and SEO equals spam. So don’t be timid. Jump in the small talk using these tidbits.

SEO

  • SEO is neither advertising nor marketing – that’s called PPC. SEO is like learning how to drive while PPC is like paying for a taxi.
  • Any website can make money. It doesn’t have to sell something. On the Internet you can earn money from “nothing”.
  • Have you ever asked yourself why the top Google result is there? In most cases it’s due to SEO. Otherwise it’s a Google owned service.
  • Your mum sees different search results from you. Why? Google knows where you live and what you have searched in the past.
  • All those who don’t like SEO should use the noindex meta tag on their sites. It prevents them from spamming the search results themselves.

 

Social Media

  • What would Jesus do if he lived today? He would use social media. Like Jesus you can share things without giving them away and the more you share the more they multiply.
  • Most of the blog posts 10 years ago were as long as Facebook updates today. So everybody who can use Facebook can blog or actually already blogs.
  • You do not use social media, social media uses you. In cases where a tool is free you are not the customer you are the product they sell. It can be your content, your social relations, your data or all three.

 

Facebook

  • You can save substantial amounts of money on birthday cards with Facebook.
  • The number one use of Facebook for parents is to spy on their kids.
  • Did you know that Facebook tracks you everywhere on the Web once you’re logged in?
  • You can’t delete a Facebook account. Your data stays with Facebook forever. You just lose control of it when discontinuing your Facebook account.
  • What is the business model of Facebook? Selling your friends and their private information to advertisers.
  • Everything you post on Facebook is public. A friend of yours just needs to share your drunk images on his account publicly.
  • Facebook is already on the way down in the US. It has lost several million American users in 2011. A few years from now it will be like MySpace or Friendster.
  • Not being on Facebook is like not even having a TV set a few years back.
  • Facebook uses your face to advertise third party products.
  • Facebook face recognition software can recognize you on these drunk images automatically.

 

Google

  • Google is not a search engine. It’s not an Internet company. It’s an advertising firm. It earns more than 95% revenue from text ads. Saying Google is a search engine is like saying that McDonalds is about real estate or agriculture.
  • You can remove all distracting ads from Google if you want. Just use an ad blocker  like Adblock Plus.
  • Nothing you search on Google is private. They keep your search logs for 18 months. According to the Patriot act they have to give the data to US authorities when asked for. Even when you’re outside the US.
  • Do you think it’s great to work for Google? They work 60+h a week. So it must be great. Who outside of China wants to work that long hours?
  • Google has discontinued more than 50 products and features in 2011. They might discontinue the free service you use any day.
  • Do you know what the second largest search engine is? It’s YouTube. It’s also owned by Google btw.
  • Google is not the only good search engine. You may know Bing, Yahoo and Ask but have you tried Blekko, DuckDuckGo, Yandex?

 

Of course you have to be gentle to your family members but believe me, the holiday season is the time of the year when everybody wants to ask why you are “spamming Google” and the likes so you are far better off by deciding what the topic of your conversation is.

Btw. all of these remarks are true but this time I didn’t just want to make a link list to prove it.

PS.: Did you find the item SEOptimise censored this post for? Outrageous isn’t it? The censorship, not the item!

 

* Creative Commons image by Sriram Bala.

 

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